The Bride's Boon


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  • The Bride's Boon


  • The Tribulation of Women

     

    Cherchez la femme

     

    Prophetic Hadiths:

     

    The prophet (pbuh) said,

    "After me, I did not leave a harmful temptation on men then woman."[1]

    [Reported by Bukhari and Muslim]

     

    "This world is deceptive and Allah made you His vicegerents on it to see what you are going to do. Be ware of this world. Beware of women. The first slipping test hold for the Israelites was women. "

    [Reported by Muslim]

     

    "Unless Hawwa' had tempted Adam there would not be any wife tempting her husband."[2]

     

    Ibn Abbas said,

    "Because of woman there were atheists in the past and there will be atheists in the years to come."

     

     

     

    The seriousness of sex[3]

    Qur'anic verses:

     

    {Fair in the eyes of men is the love of things they covet: women[4] and sons, heaped-up hoards of gold and silver, horses branded (for the blood and excellence); and (wealth of) cattle and well- tilled land. Such are the possessions of this world's life, but with Allah is the best of the goals (to return to}

    [Al-‘Imran: 14]

     

    Prophetic Hadiths:

     

    "Most of people enter Paradise because of God-fearing and good manners. On the other hand they mouth and genitals."

    [Reported by at- Tirmidhi]

     

    "Whoever keeps what is between his jaws or legs will enter Paradise."

     [Reported by at- Tirmidhi]

     

     

    Non-Segregation of Sexes and Staying in Seclusion with Woman

     

    Prophetic Hadiths:

     

    "No man should spend a night with a woman except the husband or an unmarriageable kin."

     [Reported by Muslim]

     

    "Satan is the third of the man and the woman who stay alone."[5]

    [Reported by Tirmidhi]

     

    "No man should stay with a lady in seclusion except in the presence of an unmarriageable kin"

    [Reported by Bukhari and Muslim]

     

     

    O Wife Be Ware!

     

    Prophetic Hadiths:

     

    "A woman should not look at or touch another woman to describe her[6] to her husband in such a way as he was actually looking at her."

    [Reported by Bukhari, Abu Dawud and Tirmidhi]

     

     

    The safety belt of a woman

    "It is not lawful for a woman who believes in Allah and the last Day to travel more than a full- day distance except with her unmarriageable kin."

    [Reported by Bukhari and Muslim]

     

     

    A gaze Is one of Satan's Arrows

     

    Qur’anic Verses:

     

    {Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty:[7] that will make for greater purity for them: and Allah is well acquainted with all that they do. And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (ordinarily) appears  thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers or their brothers' sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess or male attendants free of sexual desires. Or small children who have no carnal knowledge of women, and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O ye believers! Turn ye all together towards Allah in repentance that ye may be successful}

    [An-Nur: 30-31]

     

    Prophetic Hadiths:

     

    "All children of Adam are liable to commit adultery (zina) in some way. The adultery of tongues is (unlawful) speaking; the adultery of hands is violence; the adultery of legs is walking toward Allah's prohibitions. Man's soul innately desires adultery but the genitals are the tools which apply or refrain."

    [Reported by Abu Dawud and Al-Nasa'i]

     

    "Jarir ibn 'Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with him) related, "I had once asked the prophet (pbuh) about the sudden glance. Whereupon the prophet (pbuh) commanded me to keep away my gaze."[8]

     [Reported by Muslim]

     

     

    The Clear Truth

     

    Prophetic Hadiths:

     

    "Whoever sees a woman and admires her may rather go to his wife to make love with her to satisfy himself."

    [Reported by Muslim]

     

     

     

    A Wife Should Satisfy Her Husband as Quick as Possible

     

    Prophetic Hadiths:

     

    "There are three people whose prayers will not be accepted nor will it be risen up to heavens: (and he mentioned the woman whose husband calls her at night and she refuses to come.)"

    [Reported by Ibn khuzaima]

     

    "When a man calls his wife to his bad and she does not come, if he spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning."

    [Reported by Muslim, Abu Dawud and Nasa'i]

     

    "When a man calls his wife to his bed, she should go to him even if she may be over a back of a camel."

    [Reported by al- Bazzar]

    "When a man sends for his wife for the satisfaction of his need, she should go to him even if she may be occupied in baking bread (cooking food)."

    [Reported by An-Nasa'i and Trimidhi]

     

    "By whom in Whose Hard is my soul, when a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses to come, He who is in heaven (i.e. Allah) remains displeased with her."[9]

    [Reported by Bukhari and Muslim]

     

    [1] Some people said, "Satan addresses a woman saying, "You are the half of my troops. You are my arrows with which I fight skillfully."

    Some one also said "A woman is the source of bad or happy life." Accordingly, the Prophet (pbuh) commended us to choose the righteous woman when marrying.

     

    [2] Some people claim that the woman is the real reason why mankind does not dwell in Paradise because she asked Adam to eat from the Tree. They believe if it were not for this sin, we would have continued to live there. This is undoubtedly a naive view. When Allah the almighty willed the creation of Adam He told the angels: {I will create a vicegerent on earth.} (Al-Baqara: 30)

    He did not say, "I will create a vicegerent in Paradise." Allah the Almighty knew that Adam and Hawwa' would eat from the Tree and descend on earth.

    In her astonishing book "New Messages to Men", a French writer called Francois Portrait said, "Men believe that a woman is the spring from which every bad thing flows. They accuse her of every bad thing. However man is solely responsible for the misfortunes and the corruption of the society. Under the motto of freedom, the man began to seek after unrestricted lusts. This is a market where women are only used as materials. It is only men who encourage such lusts. They produce sex pictures and films. They exploit the woman's body to promote their commodities even if it is a kind of fruits or cigarettes.

    I think that those women who work in such fields are the agents of men. But they are not as responsible as men are because they are enforced to work in these fields out of want, temptation or misguidance. Therefore, man is the source of all bad-doings.

    I would better change the proverb that states "cherchez la femme" to "cherchez l' homme"

    I, the author, think that the woman is not completely free from such corruption. There is an Arabic proverb that states, "It is better for a woman to suffer starvation than to be adulterer."

    [3] Islam laid down great importance on the question of sex. The first crime committed on earth traced to sex. The two sons of Adam had to marry their opposite female twins Cain was puffed up with arrogance and jealousy and wanted to marry his female twin because she was more beautiful than the other. He then killed his brother to marry his beautiful twin

    [4] Allah the almighty counts woman as the first of desires. The secret behind this is that she is the dearest thing to men. Some woman addressed men by saying, "You are all heroes unless we seduce you."

     

    [5] In his book "The woman and Hijab "Mohammed Tal'at Harb said, "There is still one step to demolish the Islamic society: to fashion the Muslim woman like the western one." Some people think that mixture between man and woman helps them desist sex. This is undoubtedly a naive point of view .How about the wife- husband relationship. Do they not think of sex at all although they live together?

     

    [6] Imam Ibn Qayyim said, "the Motivations of love are four, first of which is one's gaze either by eye or by heart. Many people may love someone without seeing him. They may just hear the description of whom they love.

     

    [7] In his book " Rawdat of Muhibbin", lbn Qayyim summed up some benefits of lowering one's gaze

    (1) Freeing one's heart from painful remorse. When one looks at an unattainable thing, he may have nothing but to blame himself

    (2) Bringing joy and delight to one's heart that may exceed that delight caused by a gaze. Some one said, "By Allah the pleasure attained by chastity is greater than that which is attained by committing a sin."

    (3) Strengthening one's heart.

    (4) Enlightening one's heart, face and all other organs of the body.

    (5) Freeing one's heart from lust and desire.

    (6) Blocking one of the gates of the Hell-fire.

    (7) Strengthening one's mind

     

    [8] Successive glances to women are harmful to one's health, since they arouse the sexual desire and decrease it. In his book "Our Sexual Life", Dr. Fredrick Cohen said, "A man's penis is like an electrical machine (an electrical bell for example). His scrotum is like the electrical engine. This scrotum provides the man's body with an adequate sexual electrical current. The Hormonal excretion, which the scrotum excretes, affects the cortex of the brain which in turn stimulates the center of sexual want in the brain. Just as one's penis does not erect without stimuli, an electrical bell does not ring without pressing its switch. A beautiful woman may arouse one's sexual desire. This is the switch that let the sexual electrical current move towards one's brain. Therefore, successive glances to a woman disperse one's sexual ability. It is like an incomplete sexual intercourse. This is the reason behind the weakness of our youths and why they desist marriage.

    Islam requires its male and female adherents to avoid illicit sexual relations at all costs. Because the desire to have sexual relationships originates with the look that one person gives another, Islam prohibits a person from casting amorous glances towards another. This is the principle of lowering the eyes. Since it is impossible for people to have their eyes fixed constantly to the ground and inconceivable that a man will never see a woman or a woman will never see a man, Islam absolves from blame the first chance look, but prohibits one from casting a second look or continuing to stare at a face which one finds attractive at first sight. The following traditions of the Prophet (pbuh) offer us guidance in this regard: Jarir says,

    "I asked the Prophet what I should do if I happened to cast a look (at a woman) by chance. The Prophet replied, 'Turn your eyes away.' “According to Buraidah, the Prophet told the future fourth caliph, 'Ali, not to cast a second look, for the first look was pardonable but the second was prohibited.

    However, there are certain circumstances in which it is permissible for a man to look at another woman. Such circumstances may arise when a woman is obliged to be treated by a male doctor, or has to appear before a judge as a witness, or when a woman is trapped inside a burning house, or is drowning, or when a woman's life or honour is in danger. In such cases, even the prohibited parts of the body of the woman may be seen or touched, and it is not only lawful but obligatory on a man to rescue her from danger, whatever physical contact it may entail. What is required by Islam in such a situation is that as far as possible the man should keep his intentions pure. But if in spite of that his emotions are a little excited naturally, it is not blameworthy for him to have looked at such a woman, since having contact with her body was not intentional but was necessitated by circumstances, and it is not possible for a man to suppress his natural urges completely.

    The Shari' ah also allows a man to look at a woman with the object of reaching a decision about whether he should marry her or not. The following traditions explain the matter further: Mughirah ibn Shu`bah says, "I sent a message to a woman asking for her hand. The Prophet (pbuh) said to me,' Have a look at her for that will enhance love and mutual regard between you." Abu Hurairah says that he was sitting with the Prophet when a man came and said that he intended to marry a woman from among the Ansar (Helpers). The Prophet asked him if he had seen her. He replied in the negative. The Prophet told him to go and have a look at her because the Ansar often had a defect in their eyes. According to Jabir ibn `Abdullah, the Prophet said that when a man sent a request to a woman for her hand in marriage, he should have a look at her to see if there was anything in her which made him inclined to marry her.

    It is thus clear that no man is prohibited from having a look at a woman as such, but that the real idea behind the prohibition is to prevent the evil of illicit intercourse. Therefore what the Prophet has prohibited is only such casting of the eyes as is not essential, as does not serve any social purpose, and as is loaded with sexual motives. This command applies to both Muslim men and Muslim women and is not confined to only one sex.

    Maulana                Abu' A' la Maududi has made a fine psychological distinction, however, between women looking at men and men looking at women. The man, he says,

    "...is by nature aggressive. If a thing appeals to him, he is urged from within to acquire it. On the other hand, the woman’s nature is one of inhibition and escape. Unless her nature is totally corrupted, she can never become so aggressive, bold, and fearless, as to make the first advances towards the male who has attracted her. In view of this distinction, the Legislator (the Prophet) does not regard a woman's looking at other men to be as harmful as a man's looking at other women. In several traditions it has been reported that the Prophet (peace be upon him) let ‘A'isha see a performance given by Negroes on the occasion of the I Id. This shows that there is no absolute prohibition on women looking at other men. What is prohibited is for women to sit in the same gathering together with men and stare at them, or look at them in a manner, which may lead to evil results.”

    The Prophet (pbuh) told Fatimah, daughter of Qais, to pass her 'iddah (waiting term), in the house of Ibn Maktum, the same blind Companion from whom Umm Salamah had been instructed to observe Burdah. Qadi Abu Bakr ibn al-'Arabi has related in his Ahkmn al­ Qur'an that Fatimah, daughter of Qais, wanted to pass her waiting term in the house of Umm Sharik. The Prophet did not approve of this for the reason that the house was visited by many people. Therefore he told her to stay in the house of Ibn Maktum who was blind, where she could stay without observing Burdah. This shows that the real object of the Prophet was to reduce the chances of any mischief occurring. That is why the lady was not allowed to stay in a house where the chances of possible mischief were greater but allowed to stay in a house where they were less. On the other hand, where there was no such need, women were prohibited from sitting in the same place face to face with other men.

    The real object of lowering the eyes is to stop people with evil intentions from casting lewd looks at others. It is common knowledge that a person turns their eyes towards another person innocently in the beginning. If the latter is attractive, the former may go on casting glances and thus drift towards the precipice of sexual attraction and ultimately fornication or adultery. Islam encourages regulated love in order to build up happy family lives since it is healthy families that provide the blocks to construct a healthy society; but it abhors promiscuity which ruins people I’s family lives and seriously damages people through the ultimate disaster of illicit sexual relationships developing between its adherents. Islam blocks the path that finally leads to active temptation by prohibiting the casting of looks by one person at another except when they do so by chance.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    [9] A wife should not claim that she has no time to spend with her husband. She would rather leave her interests aside to spend a good time with her husband. This is the best time to join together to form one entity and fin the remotest parts of the world with the beams of their love

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