Women In Islam versus Judaeo-Christian Tradition The Myth & The Reality

15. Polygamy

Let us now tackle the important question of polygamy. Polygamy is a
very ancient practice found in many human societies. The Bible did not
condemn polygamy. To the contrary, the Old Testament and Rabbinic
writings frequently attest to the legality of polygamy. King Solomon is
said to have had 700 wives and 300 concubines (1 Kings 11:3) Also, king
David is said to have had many wives and concubines (2 Samuel 5:13).
The Old Testament does have some injunctions on how to distribute the
property of a man among his sons from different wives (Deut. 22:7). The
only restriction on polygamy is a ban on taking a wife's sister as a
rival wife (Lev. 18:18). The Talmud advises a maximum of four wives. 51
European Jews continued to practice polygamy until the sixteenth
century. Oriental Jews regularly practised polygamy until they arrived
in Israel where it is forbidden under civil law. However, under
religious law which overrides civil law in such cases, it is
permissible.

What about the New Testament? According to Father Eugene Hillman in his
insightful book, Polygamy reconsidered, "Nowhere in the New Testament
is there any explicit commandment that marriage should be monogamous or
any explicit commandment forbidding polygamy." 53 Moreover, Jesus has
not spoken against polygamy though it was practiced by the Jews of his
society. Father Hillman stresses the fact that the Church in Rome
banned polygamy in order to conform to the Greco-Roman culture (which
prescribed only one legal wife while tolerating concubinage and
prostitution). He cited St. Augustine, "Now indeed in our time, and in
keeping with Roman custom, it is no longer allowed to take another
wife." 54 African churches and African Christians often remind their
European brothers that the Church's ban on polygamy is a cultural
tradition and not an authentic Christian injunction. The Quran, too,
allowed polygamy, but not without restrictions:
"If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the
orphans, marry women of your choice, two or three or four; but if you
fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with them, then only
one" (4:3). The Quran, contrary to the Bible, limited the maximum
number of wives to four under the strict condition of treating the
wives equally and justly. It should not be understood that the Quran is
exhorting the believers to practice polygamy, or that polygamy is
considered as an ideal. In other words, the Quran has "tolerated" or
"allowed" polygamy, and no more, but why? Why is polygamy permissible ?
The answer is simple: there are places and times in which there are
compelling social and moral reasons for polygamy. As the above Quranic
verse indicates, the issue of polygamy in Islam cannot be understood
apart from community obligations towards orphans and widows. Islam as a
universal religion suitable for all places and all times could not
ignore these compelling obligations.

In most human societies, females outnumber males. In the U.S. there
are, at least, eight million more women than men. In a country like
Guinea there are 122 females for every 100 males. In Tanzania, there
are 95.1 males per 100 females. 55 What should a society do towards
such unbalanced sex ratios? There are various solutions, some might
suggest celibacy, others would prefer female infanticide (which does
happen in some societies in the world today !). Others may think the
only outlet is that the society should tolerate all manners of sexual
permissiveness: prostitution, sex out of wedlock, homosexuality, etc.
For other societies , like most African societies today, the most
honourable outlet is to allow polygamous marriage as a culturally
accepted and socially respected institution. The point that is often
misunderstood in the West is that women in other cultures do not
necessarily look at polygamy as a sign of women's degradation. For
example, many young African brides , whether Christians or Muslims or
otherwise, would prefer to marry a married man who has already proved
himself to be a responsible husband. Many African wives urge their
husbands to get a second wife so that they do not feel lonely. 56 A
survey of over six thousand women, ranging in age from 15 to 59,
conducted in the second largest city in Nigeria showed that 60 percent
of these women would be pleased if their husbands took another wife.
Only 23 percent expressed anger at the idea of sharing with another
wife. Seventy-six percent of the women in a survey conducted in Kenya
viewed polygamy positively. In a survey undertaken in rural Kenya, 25
out of 27 women considered polygamy to be better than monogamy. These
women felt polygamy can be a happy and beneficial experience if the
co-wives cooperate with each other. 57 Polygamy in most African
societies is such a respectable institution that some Protestant
churches are becoming more tolerant of it. A bishop of the Anglican
Church in Kenya declared that, "Although monogamy may be ideal for the
expression of love between husband and wife, the church should consider
that in certain cultures polygyny is socially acceptable and that the
belief that polygyny is contrary to Christianity is no longer tenable."
58 After a careful study of African polygamy, Reverend David Gitari of
the Anglican Church has concluded that polygamy, as ideally practiced,
is more Christian than divorce and remarriage as far as the abandoned
wives and children are concerned. 59 I personally know of some highly
educated African wives who, despite having lived in the West for many
years, do not have any objections against polygamy. One of them, who
lives in the U.S., solemnly exhorts her husband to get a second wife to
help her in raising the kids.
The problem of the unbalanced sex ratios becomes truly problematic at
times of war. Native American Indian tribes used to suffer highly
unbalanced sex ratios after wartime losses. Women in these tribes, who
in fact enjoyed a fairly high status, accepted polygamy as the best
protection against indulgence in indecent activities. European
settlers, without offering any other alternative, condemned this Indian
polygamy as 'uncivilised'. 60 After the second world war, there were
7,300,000 more women than men in Germany (3.3 million of them were
widows). There were 100 men aged 20 to 30 for every 167 women in that
age group. 61 Many of these women needed a man not only as a companion
but also as a provider for the household in a time of unprecedented
misery and hardship. The soldiers of the victorious Allied Armies
exploited these women's vulnerability. Many young girls and widows had
liaisons with members of the occupying forces. Many American and
British soldiers paid for their pleasures in cigarettes, chocolate, and
bread. Children were overjoyed at the gifts these strangers brought. A
10 year old boy on hearing of such gifts from other children wished
from all his heart for an 'Englishman' for his mother so that she need
not go hungry any longer. 62 We have to ask our own conscience at this
point: What is more dignifying to a woman? An accepted and respected
second wife as in the native Indians' approach, or a virtual prostitute
as in the 'civilised' Allies approach? In other words, what is more
dignifying to a woman, the Quranic prescription or the theology based
on the culture of the Roman Empire?

It is interesting to note that in an international youth conference
held in Munich in 1948 the problem of the highly unbalanced sex ratio
in Germany was discussed. When it became clear that no solution could
be agreed upon, some participants suggested polygamy. The initial
reaction of the gathering was a mixture of shock and disgust. However,
after a careful study of the proposal, the participants agreed that it
was the only possible solution. Consequently, polygamy was included
among the conference final recommendations.  

The world today possesses more weapons of mass destruction than ever
before and the European churches might, sooner or later, be obliged to
accept polygamy as the only way out. Father Hillman has thoughtfully
recognised this fact, "It is quite conceivable that these genocidal
techniques (nuclear, biological, chemical..) could produce so drastic
an imbalance among the sexes that plural marriage would become a
necessary means of survival....Then contrary to previous custom and
law, an overriding natural and moral inclination might arise in favour
of polygamy. In such a situation, theologians and church leaders would
quickly produce weighty reasons and biblical texts to justify a new
conception of marriage."  

To the present day, polygamy continues to be a viable solution to some
of the social ills of modern societies. The communal obligations that
the Quran mentions in association with the permission of polygamy are
more visible at present in some Western societies than in Africa. For
example, In the United States today, there is a severe gender crisis in
the black community. One out of every twenty young black males may die
before reaching the age of 21. For those between 20 and 35 years of
age, homicide is the leading cause of death. 65 Besides, many young
black males are unemployed, in jail, or on dope. 66 As a result, one in
four black women, at age 40, has never married, as compared with one in
ten white women. 67 Moreover, many young black females become single
mothers before the age of 20 and find themselves in need of providers.
The end result of these tragic circumstances is that an increasing
number of black women are engaged in what is called 'man-sharing'. 68
That is, many of these hapless single black women are involved in
affairs with married men. The wives are often unaware of the fact that
other women are 'sharing' their husbands with them. Some observers of
the crisis of man-sharing in the African American community strongly
recommend consensual polygamy as a temporary answer to the shortage of
black males until more comprehensive reforms in the American society at
large are undertaken. 69 By consensual polygamy they mean a polygamy
that is sanctioned by the community and to which all the parties
involved have agreed, as opposed to the usually secret man-sharing
which is detrimental both to the wife and to the community in general.
The problem of man-sharing in the African American community was the
topic of a panel discussion held at Temple University in Philadelphia
on January 27, 1993. 70 Some of the speakers recommended polygamy as
one potential remedy for the crisis. They also suggested that polygamy
should not be banned by law, particularly in a society that tolerates
prostitution and mistresses. The comment of one woman from the audience
that African Americans needed to learn from Africa where polygamy was
responsibly practiced elicited enthusiastic applause.

Philip Kilbride, an American anthropologist of Roman Catholic heritage,
in his provocative book, Plural marriage for our time, proposes
polygamy as a solution to some of the ills of the American society at
large. He argues that plural marriage may serve as a potential
alternative for divorce in many cases in order to obviate the damaging
impact of divorce on many children. He maintains that many divorces are
caused by the rampant extramarital affairs in the American society.
According to Kilbride, ending an extramarital affair in a polygamous
marriage, rather than in a divorce, is better for the children,
"Children would be better served if family augmentation rather than
only separation and dissolution were seen as options." Moreover, he
suggests that other groups will also benefit from plural marriage such
as: elderly women who face a chronic shortage of men and the African
Americans who are involved in man-sharing.  

In 1987, a poll conducted by the student newspaper at the university of
California at Berkeley asked the students whether they agreed that men
should be allowed by law to have more than one wife in response to a
perceived shortage of male marriage candidates in California. Almost
all of the students polled approved of the idea. One female student
even stated that a polyganous marriage would fulfil her emotional and
physical needs while giving her greater freedom than a monogamous
union. 72 In fact, this same argument is also used by the few remaining
fundamentalist Mormon women who still practice polygamy in the U.S.
They believe that polygamy is an ideal way for a woman to have both a
career and children since the wives help each other care for the
children.

It has to be added that polygamy in Islam is a matter of mutual
consent. No one can force a woman to marry a married man. Besides, the
wife has the right to stipulate that her husband must not marry any
other woman as a second wife. 74 The Bible, on the other hand,
sometimes resorts to forcible polygamy. A childless widow must marry
her husband's brother, even if he is already married (see the "Plight
of Widows" section),regardless of her consent (Genesis 38:8-10). It
should be noted that in many Muslim societies today the practice of
polygamy is rare since the gap between the numbers of both sexes is not
huge. One can, safely, say that the rate of polygamous marriages in the
Muslim world is much less than the rate of extramarital affairs in the
West. In other words, men in the Muslim world today are far more
strictly monogamous than men in the Western world.

Billy Graham, the eminent Christian evangelist has recognised this
fact: "Christianity cannot compromise on the question of polygamy. If
present-day Christianity cannot do so, it is to its own detriment.
Islam has permitted polygamy as a solution to social ills and has
allowed a certain degree of latitude to human nature but only within
the strictly defined framework of the law. Christian countries make a
great show of monogamy, but actually they practice polygamy. No one is
unaware of the part mistresses play in Western society. In this respect
Islam is a fundamentally honest religion, and permits a Muslim to marry
a second wife if he must, but strictly forbids all clandestine amatory
associations in order to safeguard the moral probity of the community."


It is of interest to note that many, non-Muslim as well as Muslim,
countries in the world today have outlawed polygamy. Taking a second
wife, even with the free consent of the first wife, is a violation of
the law. On the other hand, cheating on the wife, without her knowledge
or consent, is perfectly legitimate as far as the law is concerned!
What is the legal wisdom behind such a contradiction? Is the law
designed to reward deception and punish honesty? It is one of the
unfathomable paradoxes of our modern 'civilised' world.