The Bride's Boon
Before Marriage
Righteousness and Marriage
Qur’anic verses
{O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you intonations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise each other). Verily the most honored of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) the most righteous of you.}
[Al-Hujurat: 13]
{Marry those among you who are single,[1] and the virtuous[2] ones among your slaves, male or female: if they are in poverty, Allah will give them means out of His grace: For Allah is Ample giving, and He knows all things.]
[Al-Nur: 32]
Prophetic Hadiths:
Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reports the Prophet (pbuh) to have said,
"When a religious man who is of good manners betroths a woman, he should not be rejected; otherwise there will be corruption in the earth”
[Reported by Tirmidhi]
"A Woman is married for four reasons: her property, lineage, beauty and religion. You should better marry the religious one otherwise you will lose".
[Reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Anas reported that the dowry given to Umm Salim when marrying Abu Talha is his embracing Islam.
[Reported by Al-Nasa’i]
Adulterers only marry each other
Qur’anic verses:
{The adulterer cannot have sexual relations with any but an adulteress or an idolatress,[3] and the adulteress, none can have sexual relations with her but an adulterer or an idolator; to the believers such thing is forbidden.}
Beware of Outer Appearance
Qur’anic verses:
{When you look at them, their bodies please thee; and when they speak, thou listen to their words. They are as (worthless as hollow) pieces of timber propped up,}
[Al-Munafiqun: 4]
Prophetic Hadiths:
"A man passed by Allah Messenger (pbuh) and Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) asked (his companions), What do you say about this (man)? They replied, If he asks for a lady’s hand, he ought to be given her in marriage; and if he intercedes (for someone) his intercession should be accepted; and if he speaks, he should be listened to. Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) kept silent and then a man from among the poor Muslims passed by, and Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) asked (them), What do you say about this man? They replied, If he asks for a lady’s hand in marriage, he does not deserve to be married; and if he intercedes (for someone) his intercession should not be accepted; and if he speaks, he should not be listened to. Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said, This poor man is better than so many of the first as filling the earth.
[Reported by Al-Bukhari]
Looking at One's Prospective Partner
Prophetic Hadiths:
Al-Mughira reports that when he got engaged to a woman the Prophet (pbuh) says,
"Look at her, for it is more likely to create affection and consent between you.”
[Narrated by At- Tirmidhi and An-Nasa’i]
Jabir reports the Prophet (pbuh) to have said,
"If a man wants to betroth a woman, he can look at what entices him to accomplish his marriage.”
[Reported by Abu Dawud]
"If a man wants to betroth a woman, he can look at her even if she does not know.”[4]
Medical Check up Before Marriage
Prophetic Hadith:
“One should run away from the leper as one runs away from a lion.”
[Reported by Al-Bukhari]
"A patient not comes close to a healthy one.”[5]
[Reported by Al-Bukhari]
Undercutting Another’s Betrothal[6]
Qur’anic verses:
[Do not transgress limits; for Allah loves not transgressors.}
[Al-Baqarah: 190]
{And those who annoy believing men and women undeservedly, bear (on themselves) a calumny and a glaring sin.}
[Al-Ahzab: 58]
Prophetic Hadiths:
None should ask the hand of a lady who is already engaged to his brother (Muslim), but one should wait until the first suitor marries her or leaves her.
[Reported by Al-Bukhari]
The Constant Love[7] and the Blooming Marriage
Qur’anic verses:
{But give them preference over themselves, even though poverty was their (own lot). And those saved from the covetousness of their own souls, -- they are the ones that achieve prosperity.}
[Al-Hashr: 9]
{Nor expect, in giving, any increase (for thyself)!}
[Al-Muddathir: 5]
Prophetic Hadiths:
None is of complete belief until he loves[8] for his brother what he loves of goodness for himself.
[Reported by Ahmad]
Marrying Young Ladies[9]
Qur’anic verses:
And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable;
[Al-Baqarah: 228]
Prophetic Hadiths:
None is of complete belief until he loves for his brother what he loves of goodness for himself.
[Reported by Ahmad]
A Woman’s Guardian
Qur’anic Verses:
{Marry those among you who are single,[10] and the virtuous ones among your slaves, male or female: if they are in poverty, Allah will give them means out of His grace: For Allah is Ample giving, and He knows all things.}
[Al-Nur: 32]
Prophetic Hadiths:
"Marriage is invalid without a guardian and two upright witnesses”
"Invalid is marriage without a woman's guardian. (The Prophet (pbuh) repeated this statement thrice.
[Reported by Ahmad]
[1] Single here means anyone not in the bond of ... wedlock, whether unmarried or lawfully divorced, or widowed.
[2] Religiousness is the only condition mentioned in the verse for a suitable match. A religious wife who has a good character and disposition helps her husband in all walks of life. She brings up children well, treats her husband’s kin well, obeys her husband, fulfills his oath, pleases him when corning, and guards his property and reputation when leaving.
[3] Imam Ahmad Ibn Hanbal (may Allah have mercy on him) holds that it is forbidden for a Muslim to marry a whore unless she repents to Allah. The marriage contract is only valid after her repentance. Similarly, it is also forbidden for a Muslim woman to marry a whoremaster unless he repents to Allah.
[4] Scholars disagree as to what parts of a woman’s body a man is allowed to look at. Some hold that a man who wants to marry a woman can only look at her face and hands. Abu Dawud said that such a person is allowed to look at the whole body. Ahmad Ibn Hanbal says, "There is no harm if he wants to look at her unveiled i.e., displaying what she is used to display while working at home such as a head, a neck, arms, and chin. This is because the Prophet permits the man to look at his prospective bride, even if she does not give her permission to do so. In such a state some parts other than the face and the hand often appear. Just as a man is allowed to look at his prospective bride, a woman’s guardian should also check the groom’s righteousness and good manners.
[5] The above-mentioned Hadiths draw the attention to the seriousness of the infectious diseases. Therefore there must be a medical check up before marriage. Particularly, to check the fertility of the prospective bride or groom and whether he is impotent or not. There must also be some medical examinations like RH.
[6] It is unlawful to propose marriage to a woman to whom another has already done so, if the first proposal has been openly accepted, unless the first suitor gives his permission. But if the first suitor’s proposal was not openly accepted, then a second suitor may propose to her. It is also permissible for one to propose to a woman to whom another has already done so, if the first suitor is corrupt. This is to save the woman from his corruption. Thus, whoever is asked about what kind of person a prospective groom is should truthfully mention his detects.
[7] Love is of many kinds: the best and higher kind of them is love for the sake of Allah. One day two friends sat together and talked about another friend whom they missed very much. They were looking forward to seeing him. One of them suggested that they should visit him. The other said, But he lives far away in a remote town. It takes one full day to reach there. Let us wait until we hear something about him or he himself might come. But the first friend was so worried about their absent friend that he decided to visit him regardless of the suffering or the hardship he might face. After he performed the Fajr prayer, he set off to visit his friend. He covered a great distance on foot. While he was walking he met a man. The man asked him, Where are you going? He replied, to visit a friend of mine. The man said, Do you intend to have him do you a favor or give you money? He replied, No, excepting that I love him for the sake of Allah. Thereupon the man said, I am a Messenger to you from Allah to inform you that Allah loves you as you love him.
[8] If you want to know how blooming your marriage is you have to answer the following questions:
a- Do you seek after bringing happiness to the one whom you love? Do you feel that you want to help him do what he loves?
b- Do you settle your arguments at once? Are you ready to disregard something of your pride while arguing with him or her?
c- Do both of you think together? Do you plan for your future together?
d- Do you feel that both of you have the same goal?
[9] Some people may ask why the Prophet (pbuh) married 'Aisha in spite of the big age between him and her? Actually, This is an exception for the following reasons:
1- The Prophet’s incomparable character: 'Aisha was given the choice and she chose the Prophet (pbuh).
2- The political goal behind that marriage: To strengthen the relationship with Abu Bakr.
3- The righteousness of 'Aisha.
4- The Prophet (pbuh) was strong as many as forty men
5- Such marriage had great influence on the field of knowledge and the transmission of the prophetic traditions. Many scholars of Hadiths have considered her an authentic narrator. She narrated 2210 Hadiths. She had also contribution in the field of jurisprudence. She used to give her opinions on religious rulings during the caliphate of Abu Bakr, Umar, and Othman (may Allah have mercy on him all). The people used to ask her and she gave her answers from behind a screen. Abu Salama ibn Abd Al-Rahman said, I have never seen anyone so much versed in the prophetic traditions, or with such profound understanding of Sharie’a (Sacred Law) than `Aisha whenever people asked her. She was most knowledgeable of occasions and circumstances of Revelation as well as the integrals of Islam. 'Urwa ibn Al-Zubair, 'Aisha’s nephew, narrated, I kept the company of 'Aisha and I have never seen anybody so much versed like her in Quran, injunctions, Sunnah, or poetry. She was also unsurpassed in narrating Hadiths, Arab history, or Arab ancestry, so on and so on, let alone the judicial matters and medicine. We have to put into our consideration big age between the spouse may lead to misunderstanding and dissatisfaction. The old man however strong cannot satisfy a young lady because she needs more than he can do.
[10] This verse is an evidence that forbids a woman to conduct her own marriage. There should be a guardian who is responsible for concluding her marriage. The Hanafis hold that it is permissible for a woman to conduct her own marriage. They mentioned the following hadith as textual evidence: The non-virgin woman is worthier to organize her affairs than her guardian. As for the virgin, she must be asked for permission. There is no Contradiction between the aforementioned Hadith and the Prophet's saying: Marriage is invalid without a guardian. Such a Hadith may be interpreted as referring to asking her permission in the selection of her groom because the virgin may get coy when selecting her groom.