The Bride's Boon
Blessed Marriage
The Bride's Consent Before Marriage
Prophetic Hadiths:
"A non-virgin should not be given in marriage except after consulting her; and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission. The people asked, O Allah’s Messenger! How can we know her permission? He said, Her silence (indicates her permission).
[Reported by Al-Bukhari]
Khansa Bint Khaddam al-Ansariyyah reports that her father gave her in marriage when she was a non-virgin and she disliked that marriage. So she went to the Prophet (pbuh) and he declared that the marriage invalid.”
[Narrated by Al-Bukhari]
Ibn 'Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) reports,
"Once there was a girl who came to the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) complaining. She said, My father has married me off to his nephew to elevate himself". Thereupon, the Prophet (pbuh) gave her the choice. She said", I accept what my father has done. But I wanted that women should know that fathers cannot compel them into marriage.[1]
[Reported by Ibn Majah and Ahmad]
The Woman’s Right to Marry a Suitable Match of Her Choice
Qur’anic Verses:
{When ye divorce women, and they fulfill the term of their (`iddat), do not prevent them from marrying their (former) husbands, if they mutually agree on equitable terms. This instruction is for all amongst you, who believe in Allah and the Last Day. That is (the course making for) most virtue and purity amongst you. And Allah knows, and ye know not.}
[Al-Baqarah: 232]
Prophetic Handiths:
Al-Hassan ibn Ma’qil ibn Yasar related that he gave his sister to one of the Muslims in marriage. When she stayed a period of time with him, he divorced her. He did not take her back until she fulfilled her due waiting period (`iddat). Then both he and Al-Khattab betrothed her. She accepted to go back to him. When he asked her hand from Ma’qil, he got angry and said, When I honoured you by marrying her, you divorced her. By Allah, you will not take her back
Al-Hasan said, Allah knows the man’s need to his wife and the woman’s need too. Consequently, Allah revealed the above verse. When Ma’qil heard it he said all obedience to my Lord. He then called her husband and said, I marry you her in marriage and honour you.[2]
[Reported by Al-Bukhari]
The Presentation of Ones Daughter (for Marriage) to a Religious Man
Qur’anic verses:
{And when he arrived at the watering (place) in Madyan, He found there a group of men watering (their flocks). And besides them he found two women who were keeping back (their flocks). He said: What is the matter with you? They said: We cannot water (our flocks), until the shepherds take back (their flocks): And our father is a very old man. So he watered (their flocks) for them; then he turned back to the shade, and said: O my Lord! Truly am I in (desperate) need of any good that Thou dost send me! Afterwards one of the (damsels) came (back) to him, walking bashfully. She said: My father invites thee that he may reward thee for having watered (our flocks) for us. So when he came to him and narrated the story, he said: Fear thou not: (well) hast thou escaped from unjust people. Said one of the (damsels): O my (dear) father! Engage him on wages: truly the best of men for thee to employ is the man who is strong and trusty. He said: I intend to wed one of these my daughters to thee, on condition that thou serve me for eight years; but if thou complete ten years, it will be (grace) from thee. But I intend not to place thee under the difficulty: thou wilt find me, indeed, if Allah wills, one of the righteous. He said: Be that (the agreement) between me and thee: whichever of the two terms I fulfill, let there be no injustice to me. Be Allah a witness to what we say.}[3]
Prophetic Hadiths:
'Umar ibn Al-Khattab said, When Hafsa bint 'Umar became a widow after the death of her (husband) Khunais ibn Shuraiq As-Sahmi who had been one of the companions of the Prophet (pbuh) and he died at Madina I went to Uthman ibn 'Affan and presented Hafsa (for marriage) to him. He said, I will think it over. I waited for a few days, then he met me and said, It seems that it is not possible for me to marry at present. 'Umar further said, I met Abu Bakr As-Siddiq and said to him, If you wish, I will marry my daughter Hafsa to you. Abu Bakr kept quiet and did not say anything to me in reply. I became angrier with him than with `Uthman. I waited for a few days and then Allah’s Messenger asked for her hand, and I gave her in marriage to him. Afterwards I met Abu Bakr who said, Perhaps you became angry with me when you presented Hafsa to me and I did not give you a reply? I said, Yes. Abu Bakr said, Nothing stopped me to respond to your offer except that I knew that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) had mentioned her, and I never wanted to let out the secret of Allah’s Messenger (pbuh). And if Allah’s Messenger had refused her, I would have accepted her.
[Reported by Al-Bukhari]
The Bride's Dowry
Prophetic Hadith:
"Blessed is a woman whose engagement and dowry are easy".
Reported by Ahmad and Al-Nisa i]
"Once a woman came to the Prophet (pbuh) and said, "I dedicate myself to you (for marriage)." She stayed for a long period of time, then a man said, "O Messenger of Allah! If you do not want her, marry me to her". The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said, "What do you have to give as a dowry'?” I have nothing but Izar (waist sheet). The man replied. The Prophet (pbuh) said, "If you give her your Izar, you will have no Izar to wear, so find something (else).” He said, "I have nothing." The Prophet (pbuh) said, "(Try to) find (something) even if (it is) a ring of iron." But the man went back with nothing. The Prophet (pbuh) said, "Do you memorize something of the Qur'an'? The man said, "Yes, I memorize such and such and named some surahs. Then The Prophet (pbuh) said, “I gave you to each other in marriage for what you memorize of the Qur'an.
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
"Abu Salama related that he asked, ‘Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her), How much did the Prophet (pbuh) give as a dowry? She said, "The dowry which the Prophet (pbuh) gave to his wives was only twelve uqiyyahs and a nash. She said, Do you know the amount of nash'? I said, No She said, It equals a half uqiyyah. I said this five hundred dirhams
[Reported by Muslim]
Ibn 'Abbas also related,
"When `Ali got married to Fatimah, the Prophet (pbuh) asked him to give her anything, but `Ali said, I have nothing to give. The Prophet said, "Where is your mantle (which is called Al-Hutamiyyah'?
[Narrated by Abu Dawud and An-Nasa’i]
Anas reported that when Abu Talhah betrothed Umm Salim, she said, By Allah, no one can reject the like of you, but you are an atheist and I am a Muslim woman. I am not allowed to marry you. My dowry is to embrace Islam, nothing else. When he entered Islam, she married him and that was her dowry.
'Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) admonished the People by saying, Do not exaggerate in women’s dowry. Were it a virtue in the worldly life or a devotion in the sight of Allah, the Prophet (pbuh) would do it. Then he said,” I have never known that the Prophet (pbuh) gave more than twelve uqiyyahs as a dowry to his wives likewise he received the same amount when marrying off his daughters.
[Narrated by Tirmidhi and Ahmad]
“'Ali ibn Abu Talib (may Allah be pleased with him) said, The Prophet (pbuh) gave Fatima (may Allah be pleased with her) a pillow of straw as furniture
A Proposal of Marriage
There was a man of the companions who dedicated himself to the Prophet’s service. He used to spend the nights near the Prophet (pbuh) to serve him. The Prophet (pbuh) asked him, Would not you like to marry? He said, I am a poor man. In addition, I may stop serving you. Another time the Prophet asked him the same question and the man repeated the same answer.
The man reflected on the Prophet’s Words and said, The Prophet (pbuh) surely knows what is better for me in this worldly life and the next. He decided that if the Prophet (pbuh) asked him to marry again he would agree.
When the Prophet (pbuh) asked him to marry for the third time, he said, O Messenger of Allah, may you marry me (to whomever you like)? Thereupon the Prophet (pbuh) said, You would better go to the family of such and such and tell them that the Prophet (pbuh) asks the hands of Your daughter to me. The man said, I do not have anything (to pay as dowry). Then the Prophet (pbuh) said to his companions, Give your brother gold equal to a date stone in weight. After hey had collected the gold they Went to the bride’s family and they agreed. His companions, then, gave him a goat for the wedding banquet.
[Reported by Ahmad]
The Necessity of Giving the Dowry
Qur’anic verses:
[And give the women (on marriage) their dower as an obligation;[4] but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it and enjoy it with right good cheer}
[Al-Nisa: 4]
{But if you decide to take one wife in place of another, even if you had given the latter a whole treasure for dower, take not the least bit of it back: Would you take it by slander and a manifest sin? And how could you take it when you have gone in unto each other, and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?}
[Al-Nisa : 20-21]
Prophetic Hadiths:
"The stipulations most entitled to be abided by are those with which you are given the right to enjoy the women’s private parts (i.e. the stipulations of the marriage contract).
[Reported by Al-Bukhari]
"If one marries a woman on a given dowry and he intends that he will give her nothing, he is considered a deceiver. If he dies without paying her right, he will meet Allah as adulterer on the Day of Judgment.
[Reported by Al- Tabarani]
The Address While Marriage Proposal
It is recommended to give a short address when (i.e before) making a marriage proposal. Such an address begins by praising Allah, thanking Him and asking Him to bless the Prophet) pbuh). The best address is the following one:
The Address while Need
Praise be to Allah, we thank Him, seek His help and His forgiveness. We seek refuge in Allah from the evils of ourselves and that of our bad deeds. He whom Allah guides is truly guided, and he whom Allah leaves to stray, none can guide him. I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, besides Him no other partner is and I bear witness that Muhammad is His Messenger.
Then it is recommendable to read the following three Qur’anic verses:
{O ye who believe! Fear Allah as He should be feared, and die not except in a state of Islam}
[Al-`Imran: 102]
{O mankind! Fear Your Guardian Lord, Who created you from a single Person, created, out of it, his mate, and from them twain scattered (like seeds) countless men and women; --Fear Allah, through whom ye demand your mutual (rights), and be heedful of the wombs (that bore you): for Allah ever watches over you.}
[Al-Nisa’ :1]
{O ye who believe! Fear Allah, and make your utterance straight forward: That he may make your conduct whole and sound and forgive you your sins: He that obeys Allah and His Messenger, has already attained the great victory.}
[Al-Ahzab: 70-71]
Then He can say, I have come to you to engage your noblest (and mentions her name)
The Prophet (pbuh) said,
"Every matter that does not begin by praising Allah will be cut off.
[Reported by Tirmidhi]
[1] If Islam gives the woman a free hand to choose her prospective groom, it is better for her no to misuse such freedom. She should be aware when choosing her groom and not to succumb to the luster of this world. She should bear in mind that this worldly life is perishable. Thus, she should prefer the durable to the perishable.
[2] Tirmidhi commented that this hadith indicates that it is not permissible for a woman to conduct her marriage. There should be a guardian for the woman. Although Ma’qil’s sister was non-virgin, yet could not conduct her marriage.
[3] In this connection we would better recount the following astonishing story: Abdullah ibn Wada' a related: I used to keep the company of Sa'id ibn Al-Musaiyyab. He missed me for several days. When I came back, he said, Where have you been? I said, I was busy because my wife had died. Sa' id said, Would not you tell us to attend her funeral!? Then when I wanted to leave, he said: Would not you remarry? I said,
May Allah have mercy on you, who could do that. I have only two or three dirhams. He said, I could. Then
he started to praise Allah Almighty and ask Allah to have peace and blessings upon the Prophet. Then, he married me to his daughter with two-dirhams (or three) as a dowry. I was very happy. I went home and started to think of someone to lend me money. I was tasting on that day. After I performed the sunset prayer I went home to I have my breakfast which was only bread and oil, I heard someone knocking the door. I said, Who is that? He said, Sa'id. He said, Sa'id. I did not expect his coming. I thought that he changed his mind. I said, O Abu Muhammad! Would not you send for me? He said, You are worthy to be visited. I asked, What do you want me to do? He said, You are a single man and you have already married. I dislike that you spend that night alone. This is your wife. She was standing behind him at that time. Then he gave me her and left. Indeed she was a very beautiful and knowledgeable woman. It is worthy mentioning that Sa'id has formerly refused to give his daughter in marriage to the son of the Muslim caliphate, Abdul-Malik ibn Mrawan.
[4] Giving of dowry is an obligatory right of the wife, for there are many texts concerning this issue. No one can do anything to this dowry except with her permission. Moreover, it is desirable that it be presented to her, either as a whole or in part before the consummation of the marriage, as a sign of honouring her, and as a proof of the intention to start a good life with her. There is no limit for dowry. It is permissible to be as
much as even millions. It is also permissible to be as little as even an iron ring. It is worth noting tl1at extravagance in dowry is detestable, and that the lesser the dowry, the more the marriage is easy and blessed.