Enjoy your life (under construction)

  • bookcover

  • Enjoy your life (under construction)

  • With women

    My grandfather used to mention an old idiom which says,
    “When one neglects his she-goat, she brings home a male-goat,”
    which means that when a woman does not get her emotional
    needs fulfilled, she responds willingly to someone else who
    charms her.
    The point of this idiom is not to liken the man and the woman
    to a male and female goat – Allah’s refuge is sought! – since a
    woman is a man’s companion. If Allah has blessed the man with
    a strong body, He has also blessed the woman with strong emotions.
    How often do we see brave men and even leaders crumble
    in front of the emotional prowess of a woman?
    To deal skilfully with women one should discover the key to
    her emotions. The Prophet  would advise people to treat their
    womenfolk with kindness and have regard for their emotions, so
    that they may live with them in happiness. He advised fathers to
    be kind to their daughters.
    “Whoever looks after two girls until they have grown up,
    he and I will be on the Day of Resurrection like this”, said the
    Prophet  as he joined his fingers together.
    He also advised sons to look after their mothers. He was

    asked, “Who should I honour the most?”
    The Prophet  replied, “Your mother, then your mother, then
    your mother and then your father.” (al-Bukhari and Muslim)
    He similarly advised husbands to look after their wives, and
    went on to criticise those who anger or hurt their wives. Read
    the words the Prophet  said on his last pilgrimage in front of
    a hundred thousand pilgrims, amongst them white, black, old,
    young, rich and poor. He called out to them all and said, “You
    must treat your womenfolk well! You must treat your womenfolk
    well!” (Muslim and al-Tirmidhi)
    One day, a group of women came to the wives of the Prophet
     complaining about their husbands. When the Prophet 
    heard of this, he stood amongst the people and said, ‘A group of
    women have approached the wives of Muhammad complaining
    about their husbands. These husbands are not the best of your
    people.’ (Abu Dawud, Sahih)
    He also said, “The best of you is the one who is best to his
    family, and I am the best of you to my family.” (al-Tirmidhi and
    Ibn Majah, Sahih)
    As a matter of fact, the religion of Islam has given so much
    respect to women that wars were initiated, flesh was sliced and
    heads struck off over a single one of them:
    The Jews used to live side by side with the Muslims in Madinah.
    They hated the fact that Allah had revealed the order of
    hijab and that thereafter the Muslim women were covered. They
    tried to plant the seeds of corruption, and attempted to unveil
    the Muslim women, but failed.

    One day, a Muslim woman went to a marketplace owned by
    the Jews of Banu Qaynuqa’. She was a chaste and modest woman.
    She visited a jeweller amongst them. The Jews saw her and disliked
    the fact that she was chaste and covered. They wanted to
    have a glimpse at her, molest her or flirt with her, as they would
    do before Islam honoured women. They wanted her to uncover
    her face and take off her hijaab, but she refused. The jeweller
    therefore took an end of her garment and attached it to the end
    of her khimar, while she was unaware. When she stood up, her
    garment was raised, revealing her body parts. The Jews began to
    laugh. The Muslim woman cried out, wishing they had killed her
    rather than uncovering her body.
    A Muslim man saw this happen, so he brandished his sword
    and attacked the jeweller, killing him. In turn, the Jews attacked
    the Muslim and killed him. When the Prophet  came to know
    about this, and the fact that the Jews had violated their pledge
    with him, and molested a woman, he surrounded the Jews until
    they all surrendered and conceded to his judgement.
    When the Prophet  decided to punish them in revenge
    for the honour of a chaste Muslim woman being violated, one
    of the devil’s helpers stood up − those who have no concern
    for the honour of Muslim women and only care about satisfying
    their stomachs and private parts. This leader of the hypocrites,
    ‘Abdullah bin Ubay bin Salul, stood up and said, “O Muhammad!
    Please, treat my allies with kindness!” He said this because they
    had been allied to him during the days of pre-Islamic ignorance.
    The Prophet  turned away from him and refused to concede,
    for how could he forgive a people who wished to spread corruption
    amongst the Believers?!

    The hypocrite said again, “O Muhammad, treat them with
    kindness!” But the Prophet , turned away from him, again, in
    favour of defending the honour of the chaste Muslim woman.
    The hypocrite then became angry. He placed his hand in the
    pocket of the Prophet’s shirt and pulled him saying, “Be kind to
    my allies! Be kind to my allies!” The Prophet  became angry.
    He turned around and shouted at him, “Let go of me!” But the
    hypocrite refused and began to beg the Prophet  to prevent
    their execution.
    The Prophet  turned to him and said, “They are yours,
    then”, and decided not to execute them. However, he did expel
    them from their dwellings in Madinah. Yes, a chaste Muslim
    woman deserves no less!
    Khawlah bint Tha’labah – may Allah be pleased with her – was
    from the righteous companions of the Prophet . Her husband,
    Aws bin al-Samit, was an old man who would often become angry
    very quickly. One day he came back from a meeting and
    spoke to her regarding an issue. She responded inappropriately
    and they quarrelled. The man became angry and said, “You are
    like my mother’s back!” and left the house enraged. To utter this
    phrase during the pre-Islamic era of ignorance was considered
    a divorce. This was not the case in Islam, but Khawlah did not
    know the Islamic ruling concerning the issue.
    Aws came back to his house to find his wife avoiding him
    and keeping him at a distance. She said to him, “I swear by the
    One who has Khawlah’s life in His Hand, you will never approach
    me after having said what you did, until Allah’s Messenger gives
    a judgement.”

    Khawlah then left to visit the Messenger of Allah  and told
    him what had happened. She also complained to him about how
    she was treated by her husband. The Prophet  admonished
    her and advised her to remain patient, saying, “O Khawlah! He is
    your cousin and an old man, so fear Allah with regards to him.”
    She said in response, “O Messenger of Allah! He married me
    when I was young, my stomach became flabby due to pregnancy,
    and now, when I have become old and unable to have any more
    children, he has divorced me! O Allah! I complain to you!”
    The Prophet  heard her words and waited for Allah to
    reveal a verdict regarding her case, and while Khawlah was with
    the Prophet , there came Jibreel  from the heavens and
    revealed unto the Prophet  the ruling concerning her and her
    The Prophet  turned to her and said, “O Khawlah! Allah
    has revealed a verse concerning you and your husband.”
    He then recited: “Allah has heard the saying of she that disputes
    with you (Muhammad) concerning her husband, and complains
    unto Allah. And Allah hears your argument. Indeed Allah is
    the Hearer, Knower...” until the end of the verses from the early
    part of Surah al-Mujadilah.
    The Prophet  said to her, “Order him to free a slave.”
    She said, “O Messenger of Allah, he doesn’t have a slave to
    He said, “Then tell him to fast two consecutive months.”
    She said, “By Allah, he is an old man who doesn’t have the
    strength to fast.”

    He said, “Then let him feed sixty poor people a wasq (160
    kg) of dates”
    She said, “O Messenger of Allah, he doesn’t have that to
    He said, “In that case, we will help him with some dates.”
    She said, “O Messenger of Allah, I will help him with some
    dates myself.”
    The Prophet  said, “This is very good of you. Go and give
    charity on his behalf, and look after your cousin.” (Ahmad and
    Abu Dawud, Sahih)
    Glory be to Allah who granted the Prophet  the quality of
    gentleness and leniency, even when dealing with personal problems!
    I myself have exercised gentleness and emotional skills with
    my daughter and wife, and prior to that with my mother and sister,
    and I have found it to be very effective indeed. No man honours
    a woman except an honourable one, and no one demeans
    a woman except a mean person.

    A point to note...
    A woman can be patient with her husband’s poverty, unattractiveness
    and busy schedule, but she cannot be patient with
    his rude behaviour.

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