Stories Of New Muslims

15. Ms. Themise
Cruz

 

 

February 27, 1997. If anyone were to ask me when I
became Muslim, I guess the only feasible answer would be that I was born
Muslim, but just wasn't aware of it. We are all born into a state of Islam, but
what is unfortunate is that many people never recognize this fact, and live
lost in other circles of religion and lifestyles. I was horribly lost, and I
suppose this was a good thing, because Allah felt my suffering and reached out
to me. (al humd dulilah)

My first introduction
to Islam was through a course at the University where during Ramadan we were
invited to Juma prayer. It was here where I met a wonderful Muslim sister who
invited me to her home for study and food. I declined at the time because it
seemed too foreign to me. I had built up so many stereotypes that I was not
willing to open my mind to anything surrounding Islam, even an invitation to
knowledge. The next message Allah sent me came by my friendship with several
Arab Muslims at one of the Technical Colleges near my home. This is where I was
exposed to the Islamic lifestyle. I was amazed at the fact that they refused
invitations to wild parties and drinking alcohol. How could they sit and pray
so many times a day. And fasting for a whole month, what had gotten into these
people? From that point forward, I thought I was the American authority on
Islam. But in actuality I knew nothing. The height of my confusion hit at this
point. I was an observer, but never had any understanding of what it all meant.

So, when I became a
Muslim it was like Allah found me and gave me the answers to all the confusion
that ran around in my head. It is so mind boggling to me that I was oblivious
to the fact that I was so miserable. I was successful in the material aspects
of life, but my mind and heart were uneasy. I was so weak in spirit that I
tricked myself in believing that the material things that laid at my feet, were
enough to cushion any hurtful blow that life dealt me. I was wrong. My mother
died when I was 23, and all the money, my home, my education, the cars,
jewellery, they all meant nothing. I tried to go on with life as though her
death was just another event. But it was at this point that I could no longer
ignore Allah. If I went on in my current state of mind, then my mother's life
had been in vain. What purpose did she serve here on this earth? To what
greater significance did her life have in this world? I could not believe that
she meant so little. It was at this point that I began to hunger for this
knowledge, and I opened all of myself to Allah.

It is almost too
difficult to describe what it is like for someone who begins to feel Allah in
their heart. Islam means so much more than rituals, language, culture or
country. Islam is a glorious state of being, and it is a fundamentally
different experience than what I had previously been learning. My husband
taught me much of what I know about Islam today. While observing, listening and
opening my heart, I slowly began to understand. Allah presents himself to
people in different ways, and Allah impacts everyone's life differently. I had
to come to an understanding of what Allah meant to me, and why it was necessary
that I follow this path of life. I began to learn the meaning and significance
behind the rituals I had only before observed at a primitive level. I began to
read Koran for hours at a time. Allah began to reach out to me and fill the
vast hole that was in my heart. For when an individual does not follow the path
of Allah, they are in a constant search for that missing element. And once I
stopped refusing the knowledge of Islam and opened my heart to my fellow
Muslims and the teachings of the Koran, the transition was as easy as eating a
piece of pecan pie.

Since then I have had
contact with the original Muslim sister who I met in my university class. Many
of the Muslim sisters get together once a month for study, prayer and
informational sessions. I also visit the Masjed during Juma
prayers and any other time that my schedule permits. Of course my husband and
myself study Koran and Hadith, and are on a constant quest for knowledge. When
you become a Muslim it is the beginning of a new path, a new way of life.
Everyday Allah reveals Himself to me in some way. Sometimes it is with a new
piece of knowledge, or maybe He grants me patience or understanding, and some
days it is perseverance or a peaceful state of mind. No matter what the case I
am always aware of the blessings that Allah presents to me, and I continuously
work to live the way He has intended all of us as human beings to live, in
submission to His will.

I have also struggled
throughout this search. My family is not accepting of my new way of life, nor
are they accepting of my husband. I had a co-worker ask me one time, "How
can you abandon Jesus? I love Jesus" My response confused her I am sure. I
simply explained that in Islam we abandon nobody. And in fact it is only now
that I can read and understand the true significance of Jesus. Islam allows the
follower to study the messages that Allah has sent throughout the ages, through
the teachings of Jesus, Abraham and Mohammed (Peace and Blessings be upon
them). Because of this fact, as Muslims, knowledge is never hidden from us, and
we are free in our search for truth and closeness to Allah.

My
struggle is far from over. Western culture is not accepting or understanding of
Islam, and it is mostly out of ignorance that this is so. They think that we
are fundamentalists or terrorists, or some other form of monster here to wreak
havoc in a peaceful Christian world. The way in which I combat the unkind
comments and glares is through kindness and understanding. I remember a point
when my understanding was so low that I closed my mind and heart to anything
that the Muslim community had to say. And to think that if they had turned me
away because of my ignorance, I would not be where I am today. So it is up to
all Muslims to have patience and compassion for those who do not understand our
way of life. Eventually Allah reveals Himself to those who seek true knowledge
and understanding.