Stories Of New Muslims

3. Celine

Salam Alekhum.

 

 

I became
Muslim almost three years ago, right after Ramadan in between the two Eids. My spiritual search lasted over thirty
years. I was born a Catholic and found many things I did not agree with: I
believe in Jesus, but did not believe that he was the son of God, nor that he
was God. I concluded on my own that he was a rabbi, since he was a learned Jew
and a teacher. Because of this I went and studied under rabbis and learnt the
Tanakh, the Torah and some of the laws of Judaism. I learnt the Kosher laws and
the proper way of cooking, and the rules of being a woman. It became natural
that men and women prayed separated as the women were together.

Though Judaism was not
the answer for me, I gained an understanding of its religious and spiritual
ways. I then looked into women spirituality but found that it was lacking
something, it was not always monotheistic in practice because they believe in a
Goddess, and disclaimed many teachings by re-inventing a new way of life. I had
a great deal of problems with God being a woman since I did not believe He was
a man either. I liked the Judaic way that God was unseen and unknown. Because
of this I could not understand their teachings but I did agree in the equality
of men and of women. Because of this I respect their search but their methods
did not appeal to me. In 1990, I learnt about native spirituality. Though they
believe in the Creator and the oneness of the world I could not become native -
I had to find my own spirituality. I was shocked when my country Canada went to
war against Mohawks in 1990. I fought side by side with them for about five
years. I was working but at that time I was offered a choice, I saw two paths
in front of me: one the path of God, the other the path of man. I made a
conscious commitment towards God, that I would serve Him and use my talents to
propagate His word and His message, that is, one of Peace and of Justice
through his laws. I chose the path of God instead of that of "man" -
in this case human. When the crisis was finished after five years, God guided
me back to my spiritual roots.

Most of my life I had
friends that came from North Africa and the Middle East. They were Jewish,
Christian and Muslim, but whether they observed their religion or did not, it mattered
little to me, as I did not believe in organized religion. I have strongly
believed all my life that I should talk directly to God and ask what I needed
and thank Him for what He gave me. I also strongly believe in the equality of
men and women, and the equality of all races in front of God and of people.
Christianity taught me about Jesus, whom I believed in. Judaism showed me I
could talk to God directly, that men and women should worship separately, and
that God had dietary laws. Mohawks showed me that men and women were equal
though they had different obligations. Where could I find all of this. No
religion, no teachings could offer me all of this, but God was there to guide
me.

When I was twenty-five
years old, I met and fell in love with a young man. He was Iraqi by birth,
Jewish by religion, and lived in Israel for many years. He came to Canada in
the 1970's, and we met and fell in love. Then there was a war in between Israel
and Lebanon. We were to get married and he decided to go back and fight in the
army. Sadly, he was killed. For many years I kept the hurt bottled up inside of
me. But Allah protected my heart and gave me a great gift. I met a Lebanese
Muslim girl. She was not very religious but she was proud to be Muslim. We
talked and I told her what happened, she looked at me with tears in her eyes
and told me she lost her brother during that same war. To this day we do not
know if her brother killed my boyfriend or vice versa, maybe they did not kill
one another that too is a possibility. What came out of this, after the tears
and the hurt is that we became very good friends, and she helped me heal my
aching heart. I also saw the horrors of war and it's evilness, how people get
hurt.

In 1995 there was a
controversy in Montreal about women wearing Hijab, so I decided to document this myself, and look for interviews since I
had a spot on the radio for about 4 years, doing Native, North African and
Middle Eastern news. I met through a friend this very kind woman, she is Iraqi
- Allah does work in unusual ways - who spoke about the importance of wearing Hijab and what it meant to her. What struck me
with her was her deep commitment towards God whom she called Allah. I was
impressed by her truthfulness and her kindness of heart. She explained to me
what was Islam. She told me that "There is no other GOD but GOD". Men
and women were equal, that all races were equal in front of GOD, that Jesus was
a Prophet not a rabbi, that Maryam his mother was a great example, and that the
dietary laws were less strict than in Judaism. To my astonishment this is what
I believe in. I started being friends with her and within one month I became
Muslim like her. I recited my Shahada with her.

This was three years
ago. I now wear Hijab and I am very happy. I have gone back to
University and am studying religions. My field is Islam, and I would like to go
as far as my doctorate and become proficient in law for women, and Hadith. I am
presently writing a book about women and Islam in the 7th century in English. I
now have a radio show which I co-produce with my friend through whom I became
Muslim. It lasts half an hour. We talk to women from around the world and from
various religious denominations. I try with the help of teachers and religious
leaders to de-mystify Islam and the message of Islam. I am also trying to
document in film the life of Muslim women and their role in society. Allah
guided me and gave me what I was looking for through Islam. Because of this I
try to use my pen and the airwaves to give a broad picture of all the facets of
Islam and see the unity in the diversity that is Islam. My Muslim name is Um-Khalthum, like the daughter of Prophet
Muhammad. She has inspired me to be a good Muslim as she too was a convert or
revert to Islam.

This is my story. My
first love was for an Iraqi Jewish young man, who died stupidly in a war, my
heart was broken. I was left in pieces in Lebanon, yet a Lebanese Muslim woman
started the mending process. But my heart was healed by another Iraqi, this
time a Muslim woman, because she introduced me to Islam and invited to become
Muslim. From the pain of loss the joy of finding a way of life that brings me
closer to Allah.

May Allah guide all of
those who have a broken heart. And remember that the message of Islam is that
of peace and of harmony. Before we heal we must talk about the hurt, and Allah
does heal our hearts by putting people in our path that are there to guide us
to HIM.

Ma Salam

Um-Khalthum
(Celine)